9 May 2015

ScanSaturday 9th May at 11.30pm, I lost our little acorn. This date will truly haunt me for the rest of my life – the one responsibility I was given was to look after, cherish, love and nurture our baby throughout the most vulnerable days – and I lost you. Watching not only my husband’s face drop in heartbreak but seeing you slowly slip away from me, with stay with me until the day I die.

My little baby, I miss you so much each and every day. 12 weeks you were with me, and for some this may seem like such a short period of time, but I carried you for each and every single day, keeping you safe and warm – cherishing the fact that you chose me to be your Mummy. You’ll never know how much you were loved by your daddy and I. We were only three days away from being able to hear your little heartbeat and to see you on the Ultrasound screen. We was so excited to be able to shout to the world that you, Baby Bond, was on your way to this beautiful and loving world where your Mummy and Daddy would love you immensely and show you off proudly to the world.

Instead, you fell to sleep and you’ll now remain forever in our hearts – never too far. They say that time is a healer but for me, that couldn’t be further from the truth. As each day goes past, I find it harder and harder as the empty feeling sets in alongside the guilt, anguish and heartbreak. I miss Daddy talking to you each and every day, kissing you through my belly and teaching you the way of the world. I have to stop myself from holding my belly, believing that you are still growing inside me. It doesn’t feel real or fair that you are no longer there. I can still feel you around me – but at least I got to see your little face when you fell to sleep – you were the most beautiful little baby I have ever seen.

I hope you are safe and happy in Heaven, looking over Daddy and I. We will carry you with us, each and every day. You’ll never be forgotten and you’ll most certainly live on through us.

We love you Baby Bond. Sweet Dreams.

This year

This year I will carry you in my heart every single day. I promise I’ll never forget you and you will be the making of me. I’ll better myself because you showed me that miracles can happen.

Daddy and I will like a candle for you on the anniversary that you fell asleep and I’ll still love you immensely.

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