20 July 2020

I found out I was pregnant around mid-June and I had the worst morning sickness ever, until one morning I woke up and it had completely vanished and I just couldn’t shake the feeling that something wasn’t right. My midwife arranged an ultrasound scan and on Monday 20th July I was told the news no Mum-to-be wants to hear, “there is no heartbeat”.

I was supposed to be 10 weeks pregnant and the baby had stopped growing at 7. Although I already had that feeling that something wasn’t right, processing this information alone due to Covid-19 restrictions made the heartbreak a little worse due to being unable to have my husband there too.

As I had been diagnosed with a missed miscarriage I had a few options available… expectant management, medical management or surgical management. I decided to go for the medical management option, this meant I’d be admitted to hospital and given tablets to start the process…

This process was only started after a second ultrasound scan a week later which again confirmed the pregnancy had ended. The next day I was admitted to hospital, given the medication and began to bleed heavily. The next day the doctor came in to explain that the nurses weren’t convinced that the pregnancy had completely come away so arranged an ultrasound scan for 2 weeks time.

The day before my scan I started to lose a huge amount of blood and had to call an ambulance due to beginning to feel faint and being home alone with my children. My parents quickly arrived to take care of the children as my husband was working an hour away. When the paramedics arrived my observations were normal and the blood had slowed down, so they felt that it was likely the remains of the pregnancy and told me to wait out for my scan in the morning.

Again, I was back at the hospital alone and was in for more heartbreak after being told during the scan that the pregnancy remains were still there. I was heartbroken and scared… I was sent back to the ward for another dose of medication and that’s when it all went downhill. I began to panic as I started to lose huge amounts of blood a few hours after taking the tablets and passed out twice, when I came round there were doctors and nurses everywhere trying to help me and I just laid there thinking I was never going to see my husband or children again.

A consultant came in and made the decision to take me to theatre for an emergency D&C. When I woke up I literally felt like I’d been hit by a bus… the next day I was almost ready to go home when I began to feel faint again. My heart rate was dangerously high and a blood test showed I was in desperate need of blood… that night I stayed in again to have 2 units of blood given to me.

It’s been a week since my surgery now and although I am finally beginning to feel okay again, this has really damaged my mental health and I constantly feel anxious. Luckily I’ve been given many contacts for support networks and have lots of support at home.

I didn’t realise how common miscarriage was until now. I don’t think its talked about enough, I feel its a bit of a taboo subject for many. I hope anyone who reads my story who feels something isn’t quite right will go and get it checked out, no one knows your body better than you do. I am also so thankful for amazing NHS staff who acted quickly and cared for me.


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