13 July

After various fertility medications, we finally started IVF in January 2020. We thought this would be our year, the year we became parents. Covid-19 had other plans.

Our first embryo transfer was cancelled due to Covid. We were gutted, but there was nothing we could do.

When clinics reopened in May we began to get excited again. My drugs were ordered and our transfer date was booked. Everything went as good as it could be, we had a top quality grade embryo transferred which resulted in a positive pregnancy test.

A few days later I started bleeding and the clinic booked me in for an early scan, around 6 weeks and 3 days.

Deep down I knew I had already had a miscarriage and coronavirus restrictions meant I had to attend the scan alone. The nurse confirmed what I already knew and this was the loneliest I had felt during our two years of being under the care of fertility services.

I was so angry and upset, what had I done wrong? I got home and felt like throwing away the positive tests, our scan photo from transfer day and the photo of our embryo, but I didn’t. A few weeks later I plucked up the courage to put all of these in a memory box- after all, they are still part of our journey.

We have our second transfer coming up and instead of feeling excited I just feel fear and anxiety of what might happen again.

 

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