22 March 2014

I lost my angel on 22/3/14.

No words can describe how you feel, I only remember an emptiness physically and emotionally that never really got any better. Yet being in and out of hospital getting checked bloods taken etc, there was no real time to accept what had happened.

The physical recovery was hard, and we never really recover emotionally…I was handed a photocopied piece of paper explaining what had to happened to me, it only described what happened physically in medical terms, although there were no warnings for the emotional roller coaster the next year would be…and what a roller coaster it has been.

With the date of my loss creeping in closer to a year ago I’ve realised how important it is to have support. As it is something that is very short lived in my experience when you suffer a pregnancy loss, no one knows how to react, what to say and ultimately how to understand that your loss was not just something that ‘was supposed to happen’ or that ‘you can try again’. It isn’t as easy as these people seem to suggest, so we seek for support that comes from others, who may have suffered a similar loss. Which is why I support the Miscarriage Association entirely, I was able to feel as though every feeling that ran it’s course over the year was normal and I’m not alone in this journey to recovery. I also discovered that pregnancy loss is something which is very silenced among woman who have all experienced the same heart wrenching loss but we, for some reason feel as though we shouldn’t voice our experiences in the event that it may upset others or cause painful memories to arise. But one thing I have tried to get across in my fundraising event was that, some people say this loss is too painful to remember, and I say it is too precious to forget. I hope I managed to change a few opinions on speaking about pregnancy loss and bringing woman together who have experienced a loss but most of all recognising that I was not afraid to talk about my loss, and I will never forget the short time I had to carry something so precious.

Emma raising awareness of miscarriageFor the events I based it all around my work, as I work with the public, and what better way to raise awareness than in a place where you serve hundreds of people in store every day! We had posters printed out and put up EVERYWHERE in the store, we had balloons posters raising awareness etc and we wore tshirts as if we didn’t have enough going on, but my team were so supportive and excited to get on board, and had it not have been a busy Christmas period I would have loved to do more and would continue to do so in the future!

We arranged a sponsored walk of 20k in October of 2014 which went extremely well, everyone was so supportive. I am also quite creative and decided to make a towel cake to raffle to customers which raised over £200 alone!

I had aimed to do a balloon launch to raise awareness, but due to the busy period I decided that it being my due date month, on the 22/10/14 I would raise some pink and blue balloons and have some pictures taken, something personal for myself to remember. It was amazing and my balloons floated up into the sky into a love heart, couldn’t have ended the fundraising in a nicer way. If anything doing fundraising gave me something to strive towards and also some things to look forward to on the days that we struggle to cope. It has definately helped me greatly along the way.

This year  I am lighting a lantern on Sunday, 22/3/15. I feel as though I have done my little one a lot of justice, why should we forget?!


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