19 December 2020

My husband and I were overjoyed to find out I was pregnant right at the beginning of lockdown this year after trying for almost a year. After a relatively smooth first trimester we began to imagine what our lives would be like with our little one. Due to Covid-19 restrictions my husband was not allowed to attend scans with me, for this reason we made the decision to have a private 20 week scan.

This scan would change our lives forever. It started wonderfully, despite my husband wearing a face mask I could tell he was beaming as we were shown the babies head and stomach. It was then that the atmosphere changed as the sonographer began to pay close attention to the baby’s heart. After what seemed like an eternity she turned to my husband and I and told us that she could only see a 2 chamber heart, there should be 4.

Fast forward many scans and a echocardiogram at the fetal medicine unit and we’re told our baby had half a heart. We made the worst and most agonising decision to terminate the pregnancy at just before 22 weeks through surgical intervention in August 2020. It would not have been fair to bring such a poorly baby into this world.

Fast forward a few months and we were overjoyed to discover that I had fallen pregnant again, this must be a sign! After trying so long for our first which ended so cruelly to be blessed the first month of trying just seemed so right, so perfect.

Due to what I had experienced in the past we were offered scans every 2 weeks from 6 weeks, for this we are ever grateful. I had some light bleeding at 5 weeks which terrified me, in that moment I truly believed I was miscarrying, an urgent scan proved that baby was happy and well in my womb, we relaxed slightly. Our 6 week scan gave us the gift of seeing a heartbeat.

This sadly all changed when on our 8 week scan we discovered that out second, so much wanted pregnancy had ended at 7 weeks, we were truly devastated, our little rainbow and ray of light in such dark days, our hopes had collapsed in moments.

I have decided to have surgical management for this little one which I am scheduled for in a few days time. My due date for our first is in a few weeks time. We are truly and utterly devastated. I wish this story came with a happy ending but so far it hasn’t.

We will not give up the hope of our baby, with enough hope and faith, I know we will be granted our wish one day. I hope my story can bring comfort to others, especially to those who have experienced TFMR, the loss that no-one really realises is a possibility.


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