3 January 2015

After a turbulent year in 2014, I really needed a blessing in my life and as miracles happen I found out I was expecting a baby on the 19th November 2014. A shock but a complete blessing, hope for the future, a reason to smile and carry on and not to quit on what seems like a life full of pain and heart ache.
We were so excited, looking at the future, where its little cot would go, looking forward to scans, listening to your tiny heart beat.

On 23rd December I had to go for a scan as I had stomach pain, every thing was good there was your tiny heart beating on the screen, strong and clear! The day after the scan I began to bleed, but was be told it was normal, please don’t worry. The bleeding got worse and I ended up in Accident and Emergency to be told everything was good, cervix is closed baby is ok.

I had to go for a repeat scan on the 2nd of January to be told baby was dead and I was miscarrying. I didn’t want to believe it, you were gone, laid dead inside me… What did I do, what was I doing when you died? How could I let that happen to you? Your daddy held me so tight and kissed my head. I didn’t want to let you go, I still don’t want to let you go! My little hope! On the 3rd of January you passed naturally and I knew you had gone.

How I wish I could change things. How I wish you would still come and let me hold you and kiss you and love you more and more each day.

One Comment

  1. Hayley says:

    We lost our babies the same day this year. I wish I felt comforted that someone else knew how I felt but I feel sick that someone else is experiencing this utter heart-break. Sending all the love in the world to you right now x