28 March 2019

At my 11 week appointment my doctor told me baby no longer has a heart beat. It measured at 8 week 6 days. This was my third recurrent loss. I have no children.

I was told to wait until the 3rd of April and if my baby doesn’t come out then a d&c should be done. I also had to do tests to find out what was causing my miscarriages. All tests came back normal so I decided to do karyotyping ln the baby.

In hospital, medical abortion failed repeatedly. After I developed a fever, I was advised to go forward with a d&c. My d&c was done on the 6th if April. A sample was collected by the doctor for karyotyping.

I went home and was beginning to accept my loss, but it felt like I was getting more tired and not recovering. On the 10th if April I woke up to severe pains and passed large clots. Then my bleeding stopped but my contractions and stinging grew stronger. At the emergency room, they thought I might have retained POC. I was taken to get an ultra sound where it was revealed my baby was still inside me, fully intact, still in the sac with the tiny little umbilical cord still there just as it was before the d&c. It was never removed.

I underwent a second (emergency) d&c.

I felt like I got my baby back only to have it snatched away again. I felt immense guilt having it removed so many times.

The hospital never apologized or even spoke with me about the incident. They never answered any of my questions even basic ones like “what did the doctor take out of me in the first d&c?” And what she sent for karyotyping…?

I was left completely in the dark.


This year I will:

I am still in shock especially after how the failed attempts for medical abortion and the failed d&c. I don’t know how I can ever forget anything let alone mark a day to remember it all. It feels so fresh. I close my eyes and see the OR. I see the lights shining above me glaring at me. I was still not over losing my baby only to have new horrors added – I am so scared, scared the d&cs might have caused adhesions and that my already existing problem with miscarriages might now be worse. I can’t stop worrying.


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