25 July 2016

On the 25th July 2016 I gave birth to our little baby boy, Leo, who was born sleeping at 15.5 weeks. I held him in my arms and saw his perfect little body and was in shock at what had happened.

Everything had seemed fine on the 12 week scan. I feel devastated by this blow of losing our son, I so wanted another child so that my 3 year old boy, Jacob could have a brother or sister.

This is my second miscarriage in a row now following the birth of my first child. Everything had seemed so easy with him and I don’t know what I’ve done wrong with these subsequent pregnancies.

I felt that when I was pregnant with Leo that this was my last chance, I have just turned 42 and I feel my time is running out. I feel so sad at the loss of Leo and it comes just a few months after losing my mum suddenly and unexpectedly this year too. I feel overwhelmed by grief and sadness and yet I know I must be strong for my beautiful 3 year old boy and I am lucky to have him.

I only gave birth a few days ago, but I plan to light a candle and scatter his ashes on the hill near my home. The anniversary is a whole year away but I hope I can find peace and happiness.

 

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