31 May 2020

I had a gut feeling something wasn’t right from the beginning. My symptoms were too mild. I didn’t feel pregnant.

At 8 weeks I scheduled an appointment with my midwife because I had cervical burning and one blood spot on my undies.  I don’t usually spot in my previous pregnancies.  I had blood work and an ultrasound, which I’m usually against so early.  They found no heartbeat and no development past 6 weeks.  A few days later I had second hcg levels taken and they were falling.

Fast forward 2 weeks. I had been spotting for three days and on the fourth day as I was mowing the lawn I had a bleed that filled my pad. The following day I also had heavy spotting that did not fill my pad. That night I sat on the toilet and felt a lot of pressure but was unable to pass anything because my cervix was too closed.  Minutes later I began to feel contractions.

This baby would have been my seventh so I was familiar with labor and it’s process. These contractions lasted for 5-6 hours. Each contraction brought on blood and clots. Lots of blood and large clots. I sat on the floor with puddle pads soaking 10-20 per hour. At this point when the contractions were nearly overlapping, they briefly subsided for about an hour. Then the pains became much more sharp and steady. By now I was about 7 hours in. It was after midnight and I was so tired. I was able to lay down but only for a couple of hours before I felt like I needed relief. I had to poo and then the contractions became even more intense and did not let up. I passed more tissue and large clots. By this time I was feeling nauseous and dizzy. I took iron pills. And drank lots of Gatorade. I went back to bed and dozed through more contractions that had become heavy cramps.

When I got up at 8 I felt so dizzy and angry and tired. My blood pressure and sugars were very low. I decided to get food. But on the way there I felt like I needed to poo again. When on the toilet I decided to push and felt relief but felt like something was in my vagina. Once I stood up the placenta dropped out. It was about 3 inches diameter. I got in the tub to regulate my temperature after that and felt so much better. My contractions and cramps eased off immensely.

That was last night and this morning. In all the process took 16 hours. So far. This process has been more mentally challenging than labor due to the blood loss and inconsistency of contractions and uncertainty of the end point.

This year I will: Allow myself to heal and not be ashamed of my experience or future choices.


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