17 August

Statistically its estimated that one in four women will experience a miscarriage in their lifetime. But where are these women?

I have had close friends go through miscarriage and supported the best way I could or knew how, I could not imagine having to go through such a painful ordeal, and that’s just it. It is not possible to even come close understanding how someone can feel, that’s until it happens to you.

Most people mean well but just don’t understand how you can feel so strongly for someone that you have never met. You are constantly told ‘at least you know you can get pregnant’ or ‘at least it was early’.

Well the truth is as soon as you see that positive pregnancy test, the day dreaming starts , you start thinking about you as a three now, what they will look like, who they will turn out to be, the adventures you will go on together and with every week that passes this becomes more and more of a wonderful reality.

Miscarriage was always something that I was aware of but all you are told as a couple going through a pregnancy is to keep quiet for 12 weeks. If you do miscarry you feel you have to suffer in silence and be part of some secret club.

I spent the first 8 weeks doing everything I could to look after this little being inside of me, regular prenatal exercise and chia seeded up to the eyeballs and I Ioved it! I loved how every bit of goodness I did was going straight to our baby and I felt like I was exactly where I needed to be, things were great.

We decided to go for a private scan as partners are still not able to attend scans because of Covid. I was sick to my stomach before the scan and my partner was full of excitement but the what ifs were creeping in and I just could not yet share his excitement. The scan showed the baby was 8 weeks, 2 days and everything was fine. The sonographer added that the chance of miscarriage after seeing heartbeat at 8 weeks is low and to consider this a real milestone and I finally felt like I could breathe.

The next few weeks went on with our lives blissfully unaware of what was to come. My partners parents and brother had come out to stay from London for the weekend and we were so excited to tell them our news. I was 10 weeks 5 days and felt great and had no sign of anything wrong. We told them the good news and the following day I went to A&E, we were sent away as my symptoms at this point could be a number of things and I really hung onto this.

I was given a scan on the Monday at 11 weeks, 7 days before my happy ’12 week scan’. I went for the scan alone and in hindsight I am glad as my partner didn’t have to endure those words that will circulate by brain for years to come ‘I’m sorry, but there’s no heartbeat’. I had suffered something called a missed miscarriage, which is where your baby stops growing but your body carries on like nothing has happened. I hated my body for not telling me.

I’ll spare you the details but it was pretty awful, however the love and care I received at the Chester Countess EPU ward was amazing and I will never forget all those women that looked after me that day.

I felt empty and numb afterwards, everything was gone, it was like nothing had ever happened and we were left to get on with life again, as a two.

The past few weeks have been the hardest in our lives and life has thrown its fair share of challenges, but nothing prepared us for this, this was something else.

 

I’m not the worst case. I have an amazing support system and people to call on when times get tough which many don’t. I have fantastic partner and understanding boss. I have not chosen to share this for sympathy or self-indulgence, I have shared this so women/couples that have, are and will go through in their lifetime don’t feel so alone. It’s not even something I am comfortable sharing but I do think its necessary. Necessary to support couples and also educate others on the devastation that is left behind after a miscarriage.

I hope you find comfort in my words. You are not alone. I am one in four.

x

 

Comments are closed.