17 April 2020

We actually experienced our first miscarriage on 24th June 2015, when I was 10 weeks pregnant. This was a missed miscarriage and as I didn’t miscarry naturally I had to go into hospital for a managed miscarriage. We then went on to have two further early miscarriages at 5 – 6 weeks.

I then luckily fell pregnant with my rainbow baby and my son was born in February 2017, after a pregnancy full of anxiety and fear of losing him.

In March 2018, we got a positive pregnancy test, but sadly two days later I lost the pregnancy. It was a hard decision after this as to whether to try again because I was worried about miscarrying, but after talking it through we decided to go ahead. We fell pregnant straight away and got our positive test on the 3rd March. We were so excited, but also anxious.

On the 24th March at just over 7 weeks pregnant I experienced some spotting and immediately my fears returned. I contacted my early pregnancy unit, but because I had cold symptoms I was not allowed to go into the hospital for a scan and I had to wait two weeks. This was stressful, but I understood due to COVID-19. Finally the two weeks were over and I went for my scan on the 7th April at just over 9 weeks. I was so nervous and my anxiety was through the roof, this was made worse because I had to go on my own. The midwife was lovely and even though I couldn’t see her face because of the mask, she made me feel as comfortable as possible.

Unfortunately the scan showed only a yolk sac and no baby. The midwife booked me for a scan in two weeks again to see if my dates could be wrong, but did explain to me that she expected me to miscarry over the next two weeks. I left the hospital in tears and had to explain to my husband what had happened.

Although my head was trying to protect me and think logically, my heart was telling me that we had a similar experience with our son – because I have a tilted uterus all early scans had resulted in unknown results and it wasn’t until after the 10 week mark that we had confirmation he was there and doing well.

Over the next week I was so torn over my feelings and did lots of Googling, which resulted in a mix of different stories, both positive and negative. My heart was gripping to the hope that it was just my dates wrong or my tilted uterus hiding my baby. Even when I started spotting again my heart was still clinging to hope until the night of 16th April at 11 weeks, I started with red bleeding and extremely painful period like pains. The pain continued to get worse all night and the only relief was to sit on the toilet.

Then at 1:45am on the 17th April, the pain was at the point it was taking my breath away. I went back to the toilet and started bleeding heavily. After 15 minutes of non stop bleeding I was a little worried so I woke my husband up, he wanted to call 111 but I talked him out of it. After another 15 minutes I decided to get off the toilet, however I could still feel the blood and within 5 minutes I had soaked through my pad, pants and trousers. At that point my husband insisted on calling 111 and after answering their questions they told me I needed to go to hospital and they were sending an ambulance. At this point I was in denial and didn’t think my situation was serious enough and that I was just wasting peoples time, I was passed on to a nurse and between her and my husband they convinced me I needed to go, so I agreed for the nurse to send an ambulance.

I was terrified, all I wanted was my husband to go with me but he wasn’t allowed and we had no one else to care for our little boy. So off I went in an ambulance completely scared and feeling alone. However, the paramedics could clearly see this and they just made conversation and made me laugh all the way to the hospital, when we arrived the nurse in charge at A&E very kindly got me a bed on a ward straight away so I didn’t have to sit in A&E. Once on the ward the nurse came to talk to me, and I explained everything to her. She was so kind, caring and put me at ease. At this point I realised I had again soaked through the thick pad the paramedics had given me and needed to go sort myself out. When I went into the toilet the nurse had told me I needed to use a bed pan so they could check everything I passed. When I sat down I had an urge to push and when I did it felt like a ball had passed through me. I didn’t want to look but I also felt like I needed to. The nurse came and took the bedpan away to be examined.

The doctor then came to get me and she explained she wanted to do an internal examination because I was still bleeding heavily. She explained this would be like a smear. It was so uncomfortable and painful, but I knew it had to be done. The Doctor explained that there were a lot of blood clots on my cervix, this was causing the heavy bleeding. She had to clean them away to stop the bleeding. I lay there in so much pain just wishing for it to be over and wishing my husband was with me.

Afterwards I sat back on my hospital bed and cried for the first time from everything that had happened. I felt so sad that I was experiencing this on my own because of COVID-19.

One of the things I would like to say though is thank you to our NHS, because although I was alone and the NHS are under severe pressure, everyone I came into contact with was so caring and compassionate. I was treated with great kindness.

I’m now at home and still experiencing pain and bleeding, I still have to go for my scan on the 21st April to make sure everything has passed. I can honestly say that this was a harder miscarriage both physically and mentally. But I am looking to the future and hoping one day we can try again to add to our family if not then we still have our miracle rainbow boy.


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