2 May 2018



Although we are lucky to be a family of 3, We wished for another so decided to try and see; The first time getting pregnant was hard but we eventually got there, We thought this time would be the same, but it was more of a nightmare.


After trying & trying there was so sign of you.

We went to the doctor to see what we could do.

After being referred for tests to see what was the matter, We were told that both of us had issues & I could hear our dreams shatter.


I was given medication to help us create you.

But 6 months of taking it & no joy, we didn’t know what to do.

So it was back to the drawing board & the never ending waiting; We couldn’t see an end in sight & our confidence was flailing.


Like a bolt from the blue, I started feeling signs, A hunch said I should try a test & we were ecstatic to see 2 blue lines.

We were overjoyed & imagined our girl as a big sister, And wondered what you would look like, if you would be a miss or a master?


I couldn’t help but let seeds of doubt grow in my mind, That it was too good to be true & the cogs in my head continued to wind.

I was booked in for an early scan to hope to catch a glimpse of you, The wait for that seemed eternal but eventually it was due.


I knew as soon as I saw the look on the nurse’s face, That things weren’t as they should be & my heart began to race.

She said sorry & pointed on the screen that you’d stopped growing It didn’t seem like & like a horror movie I’d been shown.


My heart beat as though it had broken out of my chest, I couldn’t control my tears despite promising to try my best.

I was told to see what happens & to come back to have a scan, If you hadn’t flown on your own, there were procedures to plan.


I couldn’t wait to get out of that room to have a good cry, Why did this happen to us, why couldn’t you stay, why?!

Our plans for you are halted, the excitement put to bed, The ‘should have been thoughts’ all swimming through my head.


I’ve tried to take some solace that you weren’t to be in this world, I can see you lying peacefully above, on a cloud you are curled.

I imagine if I had wings to fly

I’d cuddle you tight & touch your face in the sky.


I pray to God to take our crumbled hopes, Swimming in tears, For him to envelope us in His love & allay all our fears.

I want Him to let you know that our love for you is never-ending, That you won’t feel alone, kisses & hugs we will be sending.


I am devastated that we will never know who you would have been, To hear your laugh, to see your smile, to think you will never been seen.

It’s tragic that you’re our should have been but wasn’t meant to be But please never forget, you’ll always be a part of me 💔


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