20 August 2018

I have had 9 miscarriages; the first one was in 2010, but it wasn’t until 2014 when I had a 7th miscarriage that a consultant in a recurrent miscarriage clinic took interest in my case.

I have never had a problem conceiving, but had problems carrying to full term. All my 7 pregnancies never got past 9 weeks.

A lot of blood tests were conducted, which came back all negative as usual. But the consultant put me on some treatment, based on women he had treated in the past that worked for them.

I was excited that I finally got a breakthrough. My 8th pregnancy almost got to 12 weeks based on the first treatment, but I lost that too. It was so heartbreaking and depressing. Another series of tests after that miscarriage, but all came back negative.

I got better again and was ready to try again in 2018, based on a few medications added to the previous; which was steroids and progesterone pessary. For the first time I reached 12 weeks (which was a major breakthrough). But never knew my whole world will come crashing in the week I was due for the 20 week scan.

I felt badly constipated with pains and couldn’t take it any longer; so I decided to visit the triage. I found out that I was fully dilated and it was too late for any intervention as my cervix had given way. It was so close, but yet so far. I have never reached 20 weeks before and didn’t have any sign apart from the constipation!

I felt very numb, it has been a traumatic journey over the last 9 years. I fought so hard for my mental capacity and healing emotionally and physically. I thought I was fine and finally healed after a year, but I still battle a lot of fear, and anxiety grips me sometimes. So I decided to reach out to a bereavement midwife from my local hospital where I had my baby at 20 weeks; and she will be visiting me tomorrow.

I hope one day I will be able to share a story of success.

I am aware that organisations like the Miscarriage Association have been of a great help and support to women like me. I am a great supporter of the Miscarriage Association as well. I never knew how I could access material or any information in the early days of my miscarriage, but now I have access to the wealth of information and help that you offer.

 

This year I will:

I attended a memorial service on the 22nd of September 2019 at the hospital that I had my baby. And as I write this, I plan to join a walk this evening organised by Sands Kent for Baby Loss Awareness Week.

 

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