14 April

My life was much in danger

 

I heard the doctors say,

They tell me how lucky I am that I came to A&E today

They tried to explain the damage

And why my surgery is needed so soon,

I can almost hear my heart shatter

As I lay in the empty white room,

I asked many times to save you

But the choice wasn’t mine to make,

I wanted to believe this was a nightmare

But my tears told me I was awake,

I had so many questions

But my voice had left my body,

So I lay there simply sobbing

Writhing in total agony

‘Ectopic’ and ‘internal bleeding’

Were the words the doctors used

I’d avoided the hospital because of corona for too long

So more organs I would have to lose.

The procedure should be simple

To explore the damage done,

But the final outcome much greater

One I hoped wouldn’t have to come,

My husband not allowed to comfort me

My surgeon’s face I could not see,

What a time to experience such a tragedy

And I can’t help feel ‘why me’

I went to sleep with expectations of turmoil

But my future I felt was certain

Yet I wasn’t prepared to for the news I received

When my surgeon emerged from behind the curtain,

Recovery is much like a rollercoaster

People telling me I’m lucky to be alive

I shouldn’t dwell on the loss of my chances

Because I have had children already with pride,

I know that I wasn’t aware of you

But my heart feels heavy with loss,

The loss of you and my female ability

Not listening to my body has a cost.

 

By Tanita

Instagram @tan.forsyth

 

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