10 October

Tanya is taking part in the Miscarriage Association’s Miles That Matter challenge. Here, she shares her story –

After waiting a few years to start trying for a baby we were so excited when we fell pregnant in the first try. I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was in my early 20s so I always thought that we would struggle, if able to conceive at all.

We eagerly awaited the 12 week scan and I was buzzing with nerves and excitement. My partner was unable to be at the scan so I took my mum and mother-in-law with me for moral support.  And then the dreaded moment hit. The sonographer asked me to confirm how far along I was and with a concerned look on her face asked if I would consent to an internal scan. At that moment I just knew something was wrong.

My mum and mother-in-law were asked to wait outside and following my scan I was advised that my baby had no heartbeat. He or she had stopped growing at 7 or 8 weeks. Utter devastation took over me, not only for the loss of my baby but also how was I going to tell my partner the baby we longed for was not meant to be.

My mum and mother-in-law came back into the room to me in floods of tears. Without really knowing what exactly was going on my mother-in-law went and got my partner and brought him to the hospital. One of the most heartbreaking things was walking back out of that room into the waiting area to all of the other women who were eagerly awaiting the scans.

We went through the process of a medical miscarriage and I spent an inconsolable 7 hours going through the process of passing my baby.

This October, 2020,  will be 2 years since we lost out angel and not a day goes by that I don’t think about the little person they should be right now. But I hope to have my rainbow baby soon. The 10th of October is and always will be the hardest day for me, but I will keep talking about my angel because miscarriage is not something to be embarrassed or ashamed about and I wasn’t even aware of just how common it is until it affected me.

The picture below is us on a pre-planned holiday just a month after the miscarriage. I struggled the whole holiday to keep it together and be around my nieces, but at the same time they made me realise that I needed to live my life and my time would come. Just for now it wasn’t meant to be and my angel was too beautiful for this earth.

 

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