3 September 2018

Star screenshotWe have gained our own little star.

…I miss talking to you in the mornings and late at night, I miss our bond and how you made me a mummy for a short while. After that horrid day the emotional pain was far more than the actual physicality of the miscarriage & still hard to know my womb couldn’t keep you.

I know you are here with me always, I look up at you every single night my little star.

I wanted to send support and love to any Mum whom has suffered any type of miscarriage and ended up not being able to hold their baby. We must talk up, yes it is common and we are made to keep miscarriage a taboo subject. If this continues women will have so many under diagnosed mental issues with this. What an amazing place for us to all share our stories. It affects every woman in different ways but still affects us all. Let’s speak up more and help each other.

The feeling of theft, guilt and anger will reside…. slowly but in time it will.

Any mother will know the point they became a mother, I can be sure the majority will say early in pregnancy – way before the physical birth. Society made me feel I wasn’t worthy of being a mum or worthy of feeling maternal as I had a miscarriage at 5.5 weeks.

Some of the worst comments I heard were “ at least it happened early” & “it’s so common ” these were very hurtful to hear to a mother who has carried, loved, felt and lost.

I felt every part of my body change, I felt strong maternal motherly love, and felt every part of you… & then ….. lost you.

Empty.

We had plans & dreams for you and those dreams won’t be passed onto my next child. I’ll have my own with them, I promise.

I am honoured and thankful that I have experienced the best feeling in the world and that will never leave me.

l can accept and understand now and I feel nothing but the LOVE and although My womb feels really empty, my heart feels so full.

I love you deeply and quite honestly an eternal love that means you will stay forever with me, my little shining star.

This year I will light a candle for you and play our song and remember you like I do everyday.

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