I wanted to share my story to give hope to other women who may be going through something similar.
In October 2015 I gave birth to my first baby, Mila. Her pregnancy was text book, but the birth was quite traumatic for me and it put me off having anymore babies.
In October 2018, just after Mila turned 3, we decided that we wanted another baby. It took 2 months before I found out I was pregnant, in December 2019.
I started spotting a couple of days before Christmas. I went to the epu and all they could see was the sac as it was too early. I had to wait for 2 long weeks before I could have another scan.
When we went back for the scan in January 2019 we saw baby and its heart beating. It was a massive relief. Baby was measuring about 7 weeks.
A couple of weeks later I started bleeding again. I went back to the epu for a scan. This time I should have been 10 weeks pregnant but there was no heartbeat, it stopped beating just after I saw that flicker on the screen at 7 weeks.
I had to decide what option I wanted to take next. I chose surgical management, but didn’t end up needing it as the miscarriage happened naturally over the weekend.
I wanted to start trying again straight away and in May 2019 I found out I was pregnant again, while we were on holiday in Cornwall. As soon as I got home I started spotting again, exactly the same as last time. Again, I went to the epu and we saw a tiny heart flickering again. But this time I didn’t get my hopes up, I was measuring 2 weeks behind what I should be. I was booked in for another scan in 2 weeks time to check progress. I was still spotting on and off at this point.
I had the scan and I knew I was going to hear those dreaded words again, “I’m really sorry, but there’s no heart beat”. I should have been 10 weeks and our baby’s heart had only just stopped beating a day or 2 before. This time it didn’t happen naturally so in July 2019 I ended up having an mva.
I asked my GP if I could be referred to have testing to see why this was happening to me. I kept getting reassured that it was common and just because it’s happened twice it doesn’t mean it will happen again. I was holding out no hope and didn’t think we would get referred. They don’t normally see you until you have had 3 miscarriages, so I just thought to myself ‘let’s get the 3rd miscarriage over with and then they will help me’.
I found out in September 2019 that I was pregnant again. That very same day, I got a letter from the hospital, my referral had been accepted and I had an appointment booked in November. I knew my pregnancy wasn’t going to last, I knew it was going to happen again and low and behold it did. Again I started spotting, again I saw the flickering heartbeat, but again a few weeks later my baby’s heart had stopped beating at 7 weeks.
On 31st October 2019 I had medical management. That night when I started bleeding I remember feeling so much emptiness after losing 3 babies within 10 months, but also had hope because I knew now that we were going to get the help I so desperately wanted.
I had all my tests done in January 2020. Nothing was wrong, it was just bad luck I suppose. I didn’t understand how I could have one baby but struggled so much for my body to hold on to anymore. Getting pregnant wasn’t the issue, it was keeping hold of the baby that my body just couldn’t seem to do anymore.
I was under a fantastic consultant and in March 2020, just before national lockdown, I fell pregnant again. Here we go again. I can’t do this all by myself, no one’s allowed in the hospital with me… But this time was different, this time I had the help I needed, my consultant prescribed me blood thinning injections, aspirin and cyclogest pessaries.
I have never been so anxious in my life. I had 3 early scans and at every one I was measuring fine. I saw my baby’s heart flickering away. My midwife was amazing. I had extra appointments. I made it to 12 weeks, then 20, then 24 weeks – viability day.
In November 2020 I had my baby girl. Finally, after all the pain, physically and emotionally, she was here. Mila finally has a sibling, something I thought we would never be able to give her. Our family is finally complete.
Please don’t give up hope.