Dear Babies,
I miss you. My womb is empty without you. Sometimes I feel like its searching for you because it doesn’t understand what happened or why you were taken away. I know you know why and i know it wasn’t meant to be that i got to hold you in my arms. I don’t fully know why yet but I have learnt a lot from the short time each of you spent with me and i don’t think what i learnt will ever leave me and in that way your imprint on me will stay. I hope you are free now. Free and happy and content. I want you to know that you are very loved. I will never forget you or this experience. You are the beauty in what is for me a torturous experience. You each gave me hope. You gave me knowledge. You assured me I can get pregnant naturally. You helped me sustain my weight and realise how unimportant it was to be thin. You help me realise how important it is to look after my body not just now but for the rest of my life. You have shown me what it really is to feel empathy for someone who has experienced loss or been dealt an unfair hand. You are all so beautiful- I saw you all, I saw your hearts beat inside me even if only briefly, I felt you all with those little loving twinges in my womb. I know you have left behind love in my womb, love that will care for my next baby. Having another baby doesn’t mean I will forget you. I hope that you know that, that you always have a mother and father that love and adore you. Maybe one day we will meet again or maybe you will live just in our memories. I hope I can set you free and in doing so set myself free.
I love you always.
Mummy