In January 2022, I found out that I was pregnant with our first child. It was the best surprise ever! I had no complications and our baby boy was born in September 2022, so I thought trying for baby number two would be a breeze.
When our boy turned one, we started trying for number two and we were really lucky to be pregnant within a couple of months. I remember driving to my friend’s house, two and a half hours away, and on the way there I felt a big bleed. Once I got to her house it was clear I was miscarrying. However, I then started to have the most painful side pain I had ever felt. My friend made me go to hospital, where they were unable to scan me as it was the weekend. I waited two more days and finally had a scan confirming it was a pregnancy of unknown location.
Not knowing much about ectopic pregnancy, I decided to drive home (in hindsight that was a bad idea). I then received a phone call from my midwife, who had been in contact with my friend’s local hospital, saying they wanted me to go back to my local hospital as my hCG levels had risen. The pain had slowed down by now and I was sure I would be fine. However, my doctor said he did not want to rule out surgery for a potential ectopic. He explained that I was fit and healthy, which may have been altering my pain threshold.
Luckily I had surgery, as my fallopian tube had ruptured and I had internal bleeding in my stomach, which resulted in the removal of my left tube. I was completely shocked. I was nervous about my chances of conceiving with one tube, but as I was soon to find out, it would be okay. We waited three months to try again and were lucky enough to be pregnant soon after. Having one tube was okay.
Sadly, I had two early miscarriages but was determined not to lose hope. By November 2024 I was 11 weeks pregnant and so close to that second trimester mark. The day before my 12-week scan I started bleeding and was told I had had a missed miscarriage. I had a procedure to remove the baby and was slowly starting to lose hope. I told myself, let’s have a good Christmas and try again in the new year. I cannot be that unlucky to have another miscarriage, surely?
In February 2025 I fell pregnant again and thought this must be it. However, six weeks later I started bleeding right before a friend’s hen do, so I decided to drink my way through the weekend. Not the best idea. Five days later the bleeding had stopped, but I was doubled over in pain. Deep down I knew this was another ectopic and told my husband that we needed to go to the hospital as soon as possible. I asked the surgeons if there was any way they could save my remaining tube, and I would be so grateful.
When I woke up from surgery I was told that my tube had ruptured and I had internal bleeding again, but they had managed to save my tube. However, if I were to try to conceive again, I would have a 40% chance of another ectopic. We decided to let my body heal, both physically and emotionally. This second ectopic really upset me and took its toll. I had never felt so low and just needed time to recover.
Four months passed and we decided to try IVF to bypass my damaged tube. In the meantime, I had blood tests which confirmed I have an autoimmune disease called APS, or sticky blood, which is a major cause of recurrent miscarriages. Strangely, it gave me a boost as I felt lucky to have an answer for why I had had so many miscarriages. I was told I just needed to take blood thinners to help my body accept an embryo.
I have just had my first IVF transfer and sadly it has not worked, which is a huge shock as getting pregnant has never been the problem for us. We have two more embryos in the freezer so I am not going to lose hope just yet.
The one thing I would say to people who have experienced an ectopic pregnancy and had a tube removed is not to lose hope. If the remaining tube is healthy you still have a high chance of getting pregnant again. There are days I want to curl up and watch reality TV in bed all day, and that is absolutely okay to do. Mourning what could have been is healthy, and for people with secondary infertility, I understand that it is just as painful. The stress and guilt about not being able to give your child a sibling is like no other. Talking has helped me so much and I am not going to give up yet.