Navigating the complex world of miscarriages
On May 6th this year I found out I was pregnant for the first time in my life. My husband and I had been trying to conceive for roughly 6 months. I had started to become worried as we are both 34 years old and I felt my biological clock was ticking by very fast. I also had the added pressure that when I was 18 a consultant told me that I may not be able to conceive but I wouldn’t know for sure until I started trying. For my entire adult life I carried that worry with me.
When I found out I was pregnant at the beginning of May this year I was overjoyed, amazed, excited, and scared all rolled into one. I have always been aware of the risk of miscarriage; my mum sadly experienced 9 miscarriages between having me and my sister and I have had several friends who have experienced a miscarriage. We clung onto hope though, that we would not fall into the statistic of 1 in 4 pregnancies that end in miscarriage.
When I was 6 weeks pregnant, I started having spotting. I remember frantically Googling what this may be. Google really doesn’t help as one article will tell you it is normal, and the next will highlight the risks of a miscarriage. The spotting became heavier and I phoned the out of hours maternity line who advised me to go to A&E if it was still heavy in the morning and they booked me in for an early scan 4 days later.
The next morning, I woke up and I just knew I was no longer pregnant. Only females who have experienced a miscarriage will understand how awful the emptiness feels. My husband and I spent the morning at A&E where they confirmed that I had experienced a miscarriage. I was sent home with the advice from a consultant – “have some ice cream”. Of course, why had I not considered that by eating ice cream it would make up for the loss of my pregnancy!?!
I won’t go into details about my experience with the Early Pregnancy Unit, but I ended up having two further trips to hospital and being treated in an extremely bad way. We unfortunately had to put a complaint in about our experiences. I hope that by raising a complaint that it will help other couples to not have to go through what we experienced.
My husband and I decided, once I had physically recovered, to try again. To our total shock we managed to get pregnant within 7 weeks of the previous miscarriage. This time it felt different. I had more pregnancy symptoms; I felt and looked more pregnant and I just had a positive feeling. Due to my irrational fear I stopped exercising (which is a huge part of my life), I tried to slow my usually busy life down and I did everything in my power to try to help this baby stick.
When we hit 6 weeks I started spotting again. I phoned my GP who suggested that it is a normal part of pregnancy and booked me in for a blood test. I never got the results back despite phoning my surgery 3 times. Not once did my GP suggest putting me on progesterone – maybe if she had I wouldn’t have gone on to experience my second miscarriage. It is very clear to me that so many GPs are not experienced in how to treat women who are at risk of miscarrying.
At 6.5 weeks I knew I was having another miscarriage. We went through the same process as the last time, with the only difference of going to a different hospital. The treatment I received this time was significantly better than my last experience. I was informed this time that due to a slight bicornuate uterus I would be referred to a consultant. As it stands, I am still waiting to receive an appointment date but when it arrives, I will be going into the appointment with my long list of questions that I want answered.
My husband and I are left with so much uncertainty and unanswered questions. We have had no follow-up care from the hospital or GP surgery, and I feel so unbelievably scared for my future. I cannot fathom how NICE Guidelines state that you cannot get further support unless you have experienced 3 miscarriages. That’s a couple losing 3 babies before they are even considered worthy of further investigations. In this day and age, when miscarriages impact so many couples, that is not ok.
Whilst trying to navigate my emotions I have been able to turn to the Miscarriage Association who have sent me several helpful emails which I have printed off and am intending to take with me to the GP and the consultant. I have also been taking comfort in reading a fantastic book called ‘The Worst Girl Gang Ever’ by Bex Gunn and Laura Buckingham. I was a little dubious about reading it initially as I was worried it would make a depressing read but actually the authors have pitched it perfectly and by reading it I felt less isolated.
I am in the process of creating my own blog which I am finding very therapeutic. I have always been someone who has a busy mind and writing helps me to get my thoughts out of my head. I also hope that by creating this blog it will allow me to support others who are going through a similar experience. I also want to lift the stigma around miscarriages.
My wish is that at some point I can write an article which will show that I have got through to the other side and I am able to have the rainbow baby that we so desperately wish for.
For now, we continue our journey which feels like we are at the start of an overgrown forest. We are unsure of which path we are going to take, feeling lost, vulnerable, and confused and having no idea of what’s on the other side.