Something I never expected…
I miscarried at 10 weeks 6 days. I had stomach ache at work and the Early Pregnancy Unit asked me to attend for a scan to check everything was ok. I didn’t expect the news we received that there was no heartbeat.
I remember my partner’s face lighting up looking at our baby, then the lady touching my hand and saying “I’m sorry there is no heartbeat”. I still suffer with flashbacks from that date and with the following surgery. Everything was going so well in our lives and we were so excited.
I decided to have a surgical procedure as I did not want to see any thing come out of me or feel the pain. Unfortunately, my care at hospital was very traumatic. I felt like a tick box exercise and the staff had no compassion. Not one doctor spoke to me about the procedure. I was scared and in pain, as well as crying, whilst I was wheeled down to theatre.
During surgery I had a seizure and lost a lot of blood. I was not made aware of this until a few days later and still no doctor came to see me afterwards.
I remember coming around from surgery and my thoughts were “I am no longer pregnant or going to be a mum”. A nurse just said “eat a sandwich and you can go home. Nice to meet you but shame about the circumstances”. I was allowed to go home one hour after. I felt an emotional wreck and continued to bleed for three weeks after.
My friends and family supported me, but couldn’t make anything better. I cried for weeks afterwards and my anxiety heightened. I then had counselling through my employer which helped in some way.
I felt like I was getting stronger, but it’s now July and I’ve had a few setbacks. My due date was next month and again, it hits me.
I look back and think how little support their is for baby loss and how much I suffered.
Recently I reached out to the Miscarriage Association and that helped so much.
This is a reminder that everything you are feeling is natural. You have some good days then bad days. It takes time and talking does help 🙂