My Four Angels
And then it appears, the bold second line,
Knowing a baby is soon to be mine.
Excitement and love that you can’t comprehend,
Unaware that it will never make it to the end.
Joy and happiness start filling my day,
Then a trip to the toilet takes it away.
A wipe and a shock, that I didn’t want to see,
Sadness and misery start to consume me.
A restless two days of awaiting the scan,
Questioning why it hasn’t gone to plan?
The moment arrives, led on the bed,
Silence in the room, heart filled with dread.
A painful ending. A heartbeat is none.
Processing that my first baby has gone.
And then it appears, the bold second line,
Hoping this baby could possibly be mine?
Caution but joy filling my day.
Then a trip to the toilet takes it away.
A distressing two days of awaiting the scan,
Taking me back to where it all began.
The moment arrives, led on the bed,
Silence in the room, heart filled with dread.
An all familiar ending. A heartbeat is none.
Processing that my second baby has gone.
And then it appears, the bold second line,
Questioning that this baby will be mine.
A silent two weeks of awaiting the scan,
Numb to the pain, not knowing if I can,
Repeat this journey, that has ripped me apart.
Adding to the voids, already in my heart.
The moment arrives, led on the bed,
Silence in the room, heart filled with dread.
The final chapter. Two heartbeats are none.
Processing that my third and fourth baby have gone.