In October 2020 I found out I was pregnant with my first child. Excited, we knew straight away we couldn’t wait until 12 weeks to see our baby for the first time and paid for an early scan, especially as we knew my husband would not be allowed into the hospital with us due to covid restrictions.
In our early scan our baby was doing well and had a lovely heartbeat. So obviously when the time for the 12 week scan came around 3 weeks later, I told my husband to go get a coffee and went bounding in, full of excitement to see how much they had grown.
However, as you’ve probably guessed, all was not well. Our baby had died, not long after that early scan – maybe only days after. I’ll never forget the time that followed, having to phone my husband, sitting on the floor crying whilst the midwives went off to find a doctor.
The options were layed out for me – I could wait to see what happens, I could take medication, or I could get the D&C. I had no idea what to do. In the end, and on the recommendation of the doctor, I went for the medication.
The experience was horrific, as many of us sadly know – I don’t need to go into details but it seemed like it had worked. However, when I took the pregnancy test 2 weeks later it was still glaringly positive. So back in I went for a scan. I was told there was still a small amount of tissue left and to go home and wait. Time passed and the tests still came up positive so back in I went. This time, I was advised to take another round of medication. Now, as some of you may know, this meant one dose in hospital and one dose 2 days later… and this was on 23rd December.
So we geared up for my Christmas day to be another one of pain and discomfort, we cancelled all our plans, I took the second dose of pills, and we waited. And waited. And nothing happened.
I had no idea this could happen. Literally nothing happened. But as it was Christmas, there was nobody I could speak to – I phoned the hospital and they advised me to call back when clinic opens on the 29th. 4 long days of confusion.
Finally the day came, another scan, another offer of a round of medication. At this point I had had enough – it had been 7 weeks of being stuck in this awful miscarriage purgatory. I wanted my life back, I wanted to begin to move on. So I asked for a D&C to get the remaining tissue out, despite the doctor trying to talk me out of it. I just knew I couldn’t go on like this. The very next day I was able to have this procedure.
Once the D&C was over I quickly began to see negative pregnancy tests and could concentrate on our future. It was the right choice – I was lucky enough to get pregnant again and in December 2021 I gave birth to our beautiful rainbow girl, Tifa.
I think the reason I wanted to share my story is because of how little I was able to find out about my miscarriage medication failing. I had never heard of it happening and I couldn’t find information about it online… Was it normal? Did I do something wrong? If I had been given the information that the medication could fail way back at the start, I may have made a different choice in how to manage it. I just wish I had known.