When I found out I was pregnant with my first child, soon after my 27th Birthday, I was shocked, scared and excited! This was not supposed to happen because my partner at the time had had a vasectomy, but wanted children later in life. When I told him, he offered me everything under the sun to have an abortion, but I declined because I absolutely love children and would never forgive myself. When I told him my decision he let me know that I would be on this journey alone… and I accepted. This baby of mine was a miracle baby and if the single mother life chose me then I will grab it with both hands.
From the beginning I was hit with every pregnancy symptom imaginable. Around 6/7 weeks I started to spot so when I had my first appointment at 8 weeks with a midwife from the hospital, I told her about the spotting and lower abdominal pains. She told me to go to the Early Pregnancy Unit as soon as we came off the Zoom call, due to the pandemic we could not meet face to face. When I got to the hospital my appointment went well and I was told my baby was perfectly fine, the screen was turned to me and my baby’s heart was right there beating away. Once my appointment was over, they printed me a picture and I burst into tears in the toilet and thanked God like never before!
When I got home I told my family how the appointment went and showed them my scan. They were all so happy that everything went well. When I got to 3 months, I shared the news with my close friends over a video call and they were ecstatic! They started making plans for when lockdown lifted and made guesses if my baby was a girl or boy, which got me even more excited.
I continued to spot on and off and have abdominal pains since my first scare, but every time I called 111 or the hospital they let me know it was normal. One nurse even let me know she bled throughout her pregnancy and her child is fine. This did ease my anxiety but I never stopped praying over my baby and body. My family were so incredible, they looked after me and my Mum made sure I didn’t even lift a finger. Being on furlough also helped because I didn’t have to commute to and from work, so I was homebound resting most of the time.
At 17 weeks I felt a pain like never before and my Mum knew straight away that it was a contraction, my eyes widened because it was nowhere near the time for my baby to come. Because it only happened once we didn’t act on it but during the night that pain hit me over and over again and I just knew something was wrong.
On the morning of Valentine’s Day I called to have an ambulance take me to the hospital but I was told to make my own way. In the end they sent me a paid cab because I fought my case, something I shouldn’t have had to do at all! When A&E finally examined me, my Mum was right, I was going into labour. I called my Mum straight away and told her everything I was told then I was taken straight to the labour ward. I was offered the emergency stitch and I said I would accept everything on offer to save my baby! I was given the emergency stitch the following day to keep my baby in till at least 24 weeks. If my baby came before then they let me know that unfortunately they won’t be able to step in and save my baby.
My family, friends, pastor, prayer group and I prayed hard! I had to stay in hospital with only my Mum being able to see me because of the restrictions. Unfortunately, things didn’t go the way we wanted. I gave birth 5 days later at 18 weeks, February 2021. I was able to hold my baby and see Han’s face, tiny toes and finger nails. I never cried so much in my entire life.
Although I will never forget this experience, I don’t ever want to. Baby Han will forever be my first born! I don’t know what I would have done without God, my loving family, friends and the midwives and doctors that worked around the clock (although there are some questionable things that happened with my care in hospital). I can’t thank them all enough! And to you, reading my story, I walk with you through this storm but God will see us through to the other end!