I was overjoyed to find out I was unexpectedly pregnant last month. I called my obstetrician (ob) to set up my first appointment, but to my surprise I was told I had to wait till I was at least 8 weeks along to be seen. This sounded a little strange to me, because with my last pregnancy I was seen right away. I thought maybe it was related to covid, or maybe it was just something new. Either way, I was not completely sure as to how far along I was, being that my cycle was so irregular, due to PCOS.
So, I scheduled my first appointment, which was about a month out. A week later I was at work and started to get some pretty intense cramps. I went to the bathroom and passed a few blood clots, and what I thought might be tissue. I instantly thought the worst, panicked, and called my ob from the bathroom. I told the secretary that I needed to be seen earlier. I told her that I knew something was wrong, and told her about the clots and cramping, and that I was starting to bleed. She told me there was no way they could fit me in. She put me on the phone with the nurse, who told me the same thing, but that they would do something.
The nurse called me back within an hour and said they were going to send me for blood work. They had me get my HCG levels tested that day (which was a Wednesday), and also two days later. On the Friday I went for the blood work as early as the lab opened, and I called my ob office halfway through the day for results. The nurse told me she had the results for my HCG levels on Wednesday but the ones from that morning were not back as of yet. She gave me hope saying that my first level was nice and high. She told me that the office was closing at 4:30, and the lab told her the blood work would not be done for a few hours. She instructed me to call the after hours number, and speak with the provider on call.
I felt silly about doing this, but I did it anyway. I called and the secretary for the on call provider was pretty rude. I told her I was instructed to call by my nurse. I told her what was going on. She began to tell me that I should not be calling for ‘blood work’. She told me that someone would call me back. No one ever called me. The weekend went on, and I continued to bleed and cramp.
I called the office back on Monday, and spoke to the same nurse. She set me up for an ultrasound. I went for my ultrasound, and was told that the nurse set it up at the wrong facility. I told them I didn’t care, they needed to take me, and they did. The ultrasound tech told me that she saw the yolk and the sac but no baby. She said it could be normal or it may not be. I waited a few hours for a phone call on my results, nothing. I finally decided to call the ob office. I was told I would get a call back.
The nurse finally called me to tell me that she had good news, they found the reason of my bleeding – I had a subchorionic haematoma and a hemorrhagic cyst. She didn’t fully explain what it was. I was pretty freaked out. She told me that they were still remaining positive about my pregnancy. I continued to spot, and that weekend my bleeding got worse. I didn’t bother calling on-call, because I knew they would do nothing. I knew this because since I wasn’t past my first trimester, it was not an urgent matter.
I called my ob office on Monday morning. I was set up with an office appointment with my ob the following day. I was terrified, and honestly expected the worst. I no longer felt pregnant. I felt as though the nurse had given me false hope. I felt as though no one listened to what I knew was going on. The doctor instantly told me she didn’t feel positive about my situation. She said she wasn’t clear as to why she wasn’t alerted to my situation prior. My previous ultrasound and lab work she said, meant nothing. So, that being said, she had prepared me. She started my scan, and then began to tell me I was no longer pregnant. I could not even process what she was saying. She told me that the growth had stopped at 5 weeks, just confirming what I had already known for the last two weeks…
Although I had tried to prepare myself, and I felt in my gut it was happening. I just wasn’t ready. She explained to me my options. I sat and processed, trying to figure out what I did wrong. I sat and wondered why my body failed me…
I never knew I could have so much love for someone I never got to meet.