I recently shared my story on Facebook and want to try to reach more people who who might have no idea that a miscarriage isn’t just a ‘week long’ thing and don’t know what to expect, like I didn’t… It’s about time we feel we can talk about these things and educate each other…
Before you continue to read this post I want to warn you that what I’m about to talk about is extremely personal, may trigger some people and is my own personal experience, in no way am I saying this is what all experiences are like. This post is to educate people. You never know what some women are going through.
You’re probably thinking what on earth I could be talking about, especially if you’re not somebody close to me, well here goes…
I was on contraception for 12 years with no break in between. If you know me personally, well you’ll know that having kids has never been something I was that bothered about, all that changed when I made the decision with Chris that now was the time to come off of the contraception and start out lil’ family. We were super excited. But, we were prepared that it could be a long haul until we got that positive test.
To our absolute surprise just 4 months in, November 2023, I found out we had done it!! Our own little bean, we were SO excited. I was only around 3 weeks pregnant and I couldn’t contain my excitement enough to not tell at least our nearest and dearest. Of course, you’ve not seen anything on my social media which I know is unusual for me, but I had decided that I really wanted to keep it mostly private. That was until, things didn’t go as we hoped and I feel it’s right to talk about my experience and to hopefully teach you something today.
On December 12th 2023, I unfortunately noticed I was starting to bleed. I was at work and was sent home so I could go to the EPU (early pregnancy unit). I want to pause here and shout out my amazing manager and work colleagues who, even though I’d only been in the job a short time, have been absolutely fantastic and the most supportive, I’m incredibly lucky.
Without getting into every single gory detail, I’ll try my best to explain how my time has been since then up until right now, Feb 2024!
I had a scan and I was told that there was no fetal pole or yolk, however there was a gestational sac. Now as I said before I was on contraception for a long time with no break, so the midwife advised that it could that be my dates were a lil’ under what we were expecting and to wait 2 weeks.
Fast forward 2 long weeks over Christmas, when I personally KNEW I wasn’t pregnant any more. Every single symptom was gone, though I still had hope. On New Year’s Day we went for our second scan, where our biggest fear was confirmed, there had been no change and unfortunately our bean wasn’t there.
I was offered 3 different options;
– Expectant management: where you wait a couple of weeks to see if the body ‘expels’ naturally.
– Medical management: some tablets that can help the body to expel.
– Surgical: a surgical procedure either local or under general anaesthetic.
I asked for the latter as for me PERSONALLY, I wanted it to be over.
I was booked in for surgery a few days later, however on the evening of my pre op my body had started to do its thing naturally, so it was agreed I wouldn’t have the surgery and that I would stay at home to be as comfortable as possible.
Three weeks later, 26th Jan, it was the day to retest. I can’t explain how badly I wanted to see a negative test, but unfortunately my body doesn’t like to give me an easy time. So we went for our next scan, where I was booked for surgery on the 28th.
We arrived at the hospital and waited and waited. The consultant advised us about the risks involved with surgery, like the fact that it’s a ‘blind’ procedure, so they can’t guarantee that they will remove everything, and that they can cause scar tissue which can make conception more difficult in the future. Of course, on hearing that, I immediately changed my mind. So I was given the medication and sent home to see if my body would finish the job with a little help. I was booked for a further scan and into theatre just in case.
I got home and the minute I walked through the door everything started to happen, again no gory details but for educational purposes it’s fair to say I had a horrific time and have never felt a pain like it.
The following day I felt like a new person. I slept for what felt like years, had so much energy and generally felt quite well. So I went back home to see some of my nearest and dearest to try and take my mind off of this whole experience and to help myself top up the good energy!
I had my final scan on 4th Feb, where to my shock it was confirmed that body had STILL not done what needed to be done so I needed the surgical procedure.
This brings us to yesterday, as I write this, 5th Feb 2024, eight LONG weeks since I first started to bleed. I was in hospital and had the surgical procedure. But, the journey isn’t over yet, we’ve now got a 3 week wait before we can retest. I can’t tell you how weird it is, as someone who WANTS to be pregnant – I can’t WAIT for that negative test.
During this entire experience I believe I’ve handled it pretty well. I’ve visited family and friends, celebrated Christmas, celebrated new year, thrown parties. I’ve tried my hardest to keep my usual strong mind set, cause if you know me, that’s what I’m like. Don’t get me wrong, I am sad, but I deal with my emotions in my own way and I want people to be aware that however someone chooses to deal with a situation like this is completely up to them and NORMAL! You don’t have to cry all the time nor do you have to be happy all the time!
I’m at the stage in my emotional journey where I am annoyed. I am annoyed that no one talks about what can happen before you hit that amazing 12 weeks and get to go to that scan and see that everything’s amazing and going well. As girls we’re taught at school how to prevent pregnancy and what to do about periods and of course how to make a baby, but no one teaches you what can happen when you fall pregnant. We know a miscarriage can happen but no one tells you it can last MONTHS. Even as a girl myself I ASSUMED a miscarriage was a bleed for a couple of days but of course emotionally horrific.
The point of this post is not for sympathy, if I wanted that I would’ve been posting regular updates, it’s actually just to help educate people. If you didn’t know what options are available, now you do. If you know someone who’s been through a miscarriage (and trust me, I’ll put an entire years wage on that you do!), you’ve got an idea of the kind of experience they MAY have had.
Go easy on the women in your life, you may not know they have suffered a loss like this, be kind.
It’s not a nice experience, mentally or physically but I want to just thank all those around us who have been aware since finding out in November up until now – family, friends, neighbours, work colleagues – thank you for being kind, thank you for respecting our wishes to keep things private, thank you for respecting how we have decided to deal with this situation, thank you for not judging us, and for all of the check ins, flowers, cards, cuddles, cries, snacks, dinners, late night rambles… Our friends and family, you have been our greatest support system.
This isn’t the end of our journey, and I can’t wait to share with you all good news when we get it!