I can’t get the sight out of my mind
Bright red on the tissue
This wasn’t how it was supposed to be
I wasn’t supposed to give birth to her over a toilet when she wasn’t even her yet
It was supposed to be surrounded by love and happiness
And end with a baby in my arms
Not a hole in my heart
They say it’s better to have loved and lost
But have they ever grown a soul inside them they never got to hold.
2 weeks.
2 weeks we got to enjoy you, to imagine and construct every piece of you in our minds
2 weeks of my body being one with yours.
And then
Nothing.
How do I move on, how do I get the pain to stop
When you will never be.
I hate myself a little
For knowing so much
That the life that was yours can simply never be again.
And I know that’s ok
Maybe you weren’t ready for the pain this world brings
And I’d never change getting to know you even if it meant giving up this pain.
I’ve prepared myself over the years to deal with the pain of losing things I once had
But I never thought of the pain of losing something that never got to be.
And yet that seems wrong to say.
Because even though you’ll never take a breath of air
Even though we will never get to hold you
You exist in all of time and space now,
You will forever be my baby, even if you never got to be
A baby.