4:30 am I am awake and go to pee
You are no longer in me
4:30 many times I’ve woken to do the same
and you were there
Realizing this, this Sunday morning
pierced my already bleeding heart
and I weep for you
Your daddy comes out
Asks if I’m ok
I share this journey we’ve been on
From the beginning how you have been
Loved by me
I get to the page I wrote to you
on Thursday
“Baby you and I are strong.”
Be strong baby be strong are the words
I whispered to you Friday
after I began feeling waves of pain at 4:30 pm
An hour must’ve gone by since then
and on my bedroom nightstand
I take the red agate
a stone for strength
roots, foundation
I rub it over my tummy
Be strong baby
I did not realize
You
I did not understand
You
I did not process I
I didn’t know
We
This journey, baby
Did I encourage you to move peacefully
my baby?
Are you in peace?
Wrapped in the arms of those who love you,
Guardian angels and loved ones
Enveloping you in their warmth and other worldly spirits
Baby, I didn’t know you weren’t
long for this earth.
I am so grateful for your time here
in my belly
The joy you gave to so many
The way me became we
I miss you so much my
sweet baby
I have to have faith that though
we are now of two worlds,
We will always
be
a family