Plans
I saw those two little lines and I had plans.
I felt sick and tired, but I had plans.
I had tests and scans, and I had plans.
I felt your first tiny wriggles and I had hope.
I chose your name.
I bought you clothes,
a pram, a car seat.
I dreamed of holding you,
wondered who you’d look like.
I couldn’t wait!
And then, the wait was over.
Because we all know what they say about the best-laid plans.
I held your tiny body in the palm of my hand.
I counted your fingers and toes – ten of each.
This was not what I planned.
A name, a breath, a cry, a life.
Now, just a memory.
No more plans, just a photograph.
Well-meaning words mean nothing,
Because we had plans.